It's None of Your Business!

We all go to work to perform a job function and to be paid for it. It doesn’t matter if we’re in a “job” vs. being in a “career.” And, it doesn’t matter whether or not we’re working to promote social changes and to improve the world. In the end, we go to work, we perform our duties, and we get a check for our services.

It isn’t required that we go to work to make friends. I think we can take a look at all of the anti-social a**holes at work to validate that point. No one is paid to be the life of the workplace party or to socialize with some, most or all of their coworkers. If you choose to, it’s okay to foster friendly relationships at work. But, some people--regardless of race—are simply very private individuals, who don’t intend on being part of many social networks. These people want to keep business about business. They don’t come to work to spread their business. So, let’s get to the point of this post…

Stereotyping and privacy issues sometimes combine to make false and unnecessary “communication issues” for Blacks in the workplace, such as being “unapproachable,” “distant,” and “unfriendly.” Why do I say this?

It’s been my workplace experience that far too many White people want to play the game “20 Questions” with their Black coworkers. They want to know if we are from the “ghetto,” if we were raised by a single parent, if we are married or intend to get married, if we’ve ever been shot at/been in a drive-by shooting, if we know any rappers, etc. It’s a criticism I’ve heard many Black coworkers make…that their White coworkers ask many probing and/or offensive questions about their personal lives.

But, does anyone in the workplace really have the right to ask these questions, especially questions with their roots in stereotypes?

Some Black people feel okay about answering these sorts of questions. While some Black people don’t feel okay about answering them, but do so anyway out of fear of being labeled as “unfriendly” or “unapproachable.” But, the reality is that not every Black person wants to share their life story or stand around socializing when they should be working. Many Black people who have gotten the “unapproachable” or a similar label at work are often simply people who don’t feel the need to tell their personal business at work.

Maybe workers have watched too much Ally McBeal, Desperate Housewives, Grey’s Anatomy, etc., so they think their existence boils down to everyone sitting or standing around sharing extremely personal information and psychoanalyzing themselves. However, those who don’t choose to be Ally or some other TV character, shouldn’t be labeled as antisocial or rude for not joining in the social networking. If a person is respectful to coworkers, that should be enough for everyone involved.

African Americans should not be stuck with labels for maintaining their personal privacy at work. I’ve had a number of Black coworkers be hit with various labels about being “unapproachable” or “distant,” including labels that showed up on their performance evaluations. The labels just weren’t based in reality. Nevertheless, the examples of their so-called negative behavior reinforced that the expectation was for them to be more “social.” For instance, one coworker was told she spent too much time in her office and that it would be nice if she would “chit-chat” with coworkers more. But, we are not paid to chit-chat. Besides, when does that type of language end up on a yearly performance evaluation? “We think you work too much, so PLESAE stop and talk in the hallways!” That was the gist of the conversation. Come on!

I also had a Black coworker talk about her life experiences with White staff, only to end up having these personal conversations shared with other White staff in a laughing manner. This was all done behind her back, but in earshot of other Black workers. “You know, she’s from the ghetto,” was one of the wise-cracks. And, they also shared very personal details I won’t repeat here.

This is what some Black workers want to avoid. Just like many other workers, we don’t all want to be fodder for office gossip. So, a desire to keep personal business personal should not result in a Black worker being accused of having communication issues with White coworkers. We are at work to work. We don’t have to tell our business. Point blank!