BLACKS SHOULD AVOID: AGREEING WITH EVERYTHING WHITES SAY!

On the plantation, it would not be startling to hear a slave master say, “I’m sick” and to then hear a slave ask, “’Massa, we sick?”

The African slave life involved many cruelties that are still haunting African Americans, and white society, to this day. But, some of the horrors included seasoning (being broken in to “accept” slavery), forced servitude, beatings, lynchings, rapes, children sold off to other plantation owners, a denial of life-long love, learning self-hatred, learning hatred of the African race, learning to feel deserving of mistreatment and ownership, learning to take on some of the slave master’s attitudes, etc.

And, it’s this last point that I want to briefly expand on in this post. To this day, far too many Blacks feel that we need to take on the attitudes of the Whites we work with. Why?

-- For acceptance (“Please like me”);
-- To show assimilation (e.g., “I am just like you”);
-- To look better or smarter in the eyes of Whites;
-- To avoid angering or pissing off someone White by disagreeing with them; and/or
-- To avoid the stereotype that we are “difficult” or have a “chip on our shoulder” or are “angry” or that we are “defensive.”

But, that is just ridiculous. Every person is entitled to their own opinion. You do not have to succumb to the will of the Whites you work with, no matter how much they try to put you in a position to agree with what they’ve said. For instance, a White person may ask you a question about something by using words such as, “Don’t you think that…” or “Wouldn’t you say that…”

That is what we call a “leading question.” A leading question is designed to steer someone into responding in a way that has been determined in advance. And, while all Whites may not start questions this way, many Blacks do feel some pressure to pretend that they share certain opinions with Whites, when they do not.

Most Blacks know, in advance, when our opinion is truly being sought vs. someone who truly wants us to give them blanket agreement on a particular opinion, methodology/action, etc.

And, then there’s the “peer pressure” situation of being outnumbered by Whites in a setting and, therefore, feeling the need to agree with what the group consensus may be.

I want to remind you, that you should not undervalue your own opinions. Sometimes, Blacks put Whites on a pedestal. As a result, if Whites are the first to share an opinion, we may immediately go into the mode of convincing ourselves that we must not fully understand the “big picture” of what’s being discussed (a criticism Whites use against Blacks all the time) or we aren’t smart enough/educated enough to come to the same conclusion as Whites (because some Whites try to turn everything into rocket science or will present their opinions to Black coworkers as facts). Or, sometimes, we’re just afraid to appear disagreeable or to have the Whites in the room turn on us in a way that publicly embarrasses us in front of our peers at work. In other words, it’s often safer to stay quiet or to just nod your head in agreement.

I worked with a White woman, who told me (point blank) that, “Half the time, I don’t even know what the hell I’m talking about. I just say things with confidence and people accept it. I use my body language and speak with strength about something and it’s rarely questioned by anybody here or by the clients. Usually, I’m just guessing. I know a lot of little things about many topics, but not a whole lot about any one thing. I just laugh, every time I get away with it.”

On my death bed, I would remember this conversation because it’s rare to have someone, particularly someone White, be this honest about running a game of pseudo-intelligence and manipulation on other staff and clients.

So, don’t sell yourself or your opinion short. Regardless of what anyone thinks, you are entitled to differ, if you hold opposing views. It’s okay to agree to disagree with others.

You don’t have to be argumentative about having a contrary opinion on a topic or an approach to completing work. You can simply say something like, “That’s a great point, Sally, but here’s my perspective…” Or, “I have a slightly (or very) different understanding of this…” Or, “I actually have some experience with this, so let me share…” Or, “I’ve read some research on this that, surprisingly, suggests just the opposite of what we’re discussing…” There are all sorts of ways to get your opinions or contrary opinions heard.

Now, if you’re sharing an opinion on project work, whoever is in charge of the project will end up with the last word on a subject. But, that doesn’t make them right and it also doesn’t necessarily mean they will be successful. You still have a right to be heard and to have your own opinion—in any setting. Do not voluntarily surrender your power or voice to other staff. In the end, you surrender your ability to communicate, to lead, and to excel in the workplace.