Be a "Gossip Girl"

Here’s a tip for dealing with problematic coworkers in the workplace. Turn yourself into a “Gossip Girl” or “Gossip Guy.”

This is something that worked quite well in my workplace, when I started having problems with a coworker and a couple of members of management. This strategy is based on human nature and the reality that most people like to talk. And, many people like to gossip.

I got a lot of valuable information about what was going on with my harassers from people who were simply interested in gossiping about what was said directly to them, what they eavesdropped or what they were told by other staff.

So, I’d have someone come up to me and tell me all about what they heard my supervisor had planned for me or what she was saying to tarnish my reputation. My supervisor was literally bad-mouthing me in the hallways with my coworkers and she was making things up left and right. She was fabricating stories about my attitude, the quality of my work, and she was blaming me for problems she caused. She would talk sh*t about what she was going to do to me or say to me, when she saw me. She was basically giving a performance that was meant to destroy my reputation, embarrass me, and to isolate me from other staff.

She didn’t come back to me with most of the stuff she talked about in the hallways. Yet, I was able to document her slanderous actions and the fact the she was creating a hostile and offensive work environment. I also got a heads-up about some things she planned to surprise me with. I knew this information because I was open to listening to gossip and allowing people to talk their hearts out.

Many times, when you’re a target, you tend to shut yourself off from other staff. There are many reasons for it, such as embarrassment/public humiliation, a hostile and offensive environment, heightened scrutiny and observation, people are acting differently around you (ignoring or avoiding), trying to avoid being set up or giving ammunition (goofing off or excessive talking), etc.

But, as much as possible, you should force yourself to remain in positive contact with as many people as possible. You should use the friends and enemies of your harassers to your advantage. If people know dirt that can help you, such as prior bad acts committed by your manager against other Black workers, you need to know this information.

So, strike up conversations with folks and see where the conversations lead. Never look like you are fishing for dirt. Just steer the conversation in the general direction you want and listen carefully. Many people are more than willing to share what they know. I’ve had good friends and lunch buddies of my supervisor tell me all of her business, including problems she was having on client contracts, lies she told on staff in other departments, etc.

So, I highly recommend being a Gossip Girl. By the way, you want to listen to the gossip. You don’t want to be the one doing the talking and the sharing. You don’t want to end up being blamed for anything negative that may be said about the person. And, you want to be discreet.

Don’t share your horror stories and don’t make stuff up to keep the story going. Just let the person talk. Trust me, even if they know you don’t like someone or are having problems with someone, you’d be amazed at how much cooperation you may get from other staff. People have agendas. They may not like the person, may want their job, may want them fired, etc. They may have an active interest in gossiping the truth about someone.

Now, here’s the catch. You have to try to confirm what you’ve heard. Without confirmation, it’s just gossip. But, once you hear certain information, it may lead you to other people who may know what the reality is. Always keep track of what you’ve found out and try to find out if it is accurate. The last thing you want to do is to get caught pedaling false information.

I’ve had a lot of luck fact-checking gossip to verify it. However, not everything can be verified because there may not be any old-head staff around who can remember something that is not recent history.

Fact-checking also let me know if some of the stuff I heard was off-base. In those cases, I was able to document the real information or corrections to the story that was told and use it to my advantage. Sometimes a story wasn’t as bad with the new information and sometimes it was worse! It was really helpful to know my supervisor’s kryptonite!

So, get to gossiping. You never know what you might find out that can help your case.