Be Careful Making Assumptions About Coworkers
If you're the victim of racial discrimination, harassment and/or retaliation at work, you should be careful about making assumptions about the trustworthiness of your coworkers. Don't assume that you can or can't trust someone based on their race/color, speech/behavior, level of afrocentricity or any other superficial factors. People have all sorts of reasons for engaging in certain actions and these motivations may supercede any of the other factors. That's why you need to be really careful, when sharing your issues in the workplace and details about your next steps.
For instance, I had Black coworkers who loved to talk about "keeping it real" and being outspoken. They also loved talk about "those White people" being this, that or the other. But, as soon as their Black manager and close coworker got into trouble, they all pretended not to have seen or heard anything that supported her statements. They were all show and no blow. She was left to fend for herself by the so-call "real" ones. Some of these same folks ended up making false claims against her at the prompting of their White director and other higher-ups at the company.
I've seen how lunch buddies and after work hang out buddies can suddenly be swamped with meetings and conflicting appointments, as soon as they realized that another Black coworker was dealing with race-based issues. Their only concern was putting as much distance as possible between themselves and the target of the attacks. They too knew nothing about anything--even when they were witnesses. They too began to whisper about confidential information they were told about by the victim of abuse.
I had a Black manager, who collected afrocentric plates, pictures, books, etc. (and displayed them all over her office), who would dime a Black suborindate out in a heartbeat. To ease her conscience, she would feed the Black worker bits and pieces of information, but would go right back to working in the company's interest of getting rid of the offending employee. Specifically, she would encourage the victim to "find another job because it's just not worth it." I always wondered what reward she got for towing the company line.
My point is, you have to be very careful about revealing your innermost thoughts and details of your intentions, if you've become a target of any kind at work. Lots of people talk a good game, lots of people are fairweather friends, and lots of people have a secret agenda (getting in good with management, getting a bonus or financial reward, getting a promotion, etc.).
Don't talk about looking for a lawyer, obtaining a lawyer, filing a complaint (internally or externally) or providing any information, which would increase the likelihood of you becoming a bigger target at work.
I've watched Black coworkers, I've known for years, laugh about getting out-of-cycle pay increases and/or bonuses and saying they know they got it for their stance against a Black coworker. To see how they could take joy in falsely contributing to someone else's misery was one of the biggest shocks of my life. I knew people behaved that way, but I'd always hoped that no one in my inner circle could possible engage in such behavior AND enjoy it. But, you never really know a person. You can never bet your life that someone will be truthful or have your back.
Don't make judgements based on a person's color (e.g., a darker person would "get it" and could relate and could be trusted in a race-based crisis), speech/behavior (e.g., assuming you can or can't trust a Black coworker because you think they speak or act "White") or based on a person's level of afrocentricity (e.g., they wear an afro/braids/dreadlocs, have african artwork, calendars, etc. in their office, and/or frequently talk about issues of importance to African-Americans).
In the workplace, it's always smart to have a healthy dose of paranoia. Never forget it. Keep looking over your shoulder. Take it from a person who's had their office rummaged through by staff looking for evidence against a close friend and who's had a coworker brag about going through her supervisor's office at the end of each work day to collect evidence for the company. You never know what someone will do to get ahead.
Whenever possible, confide in friends and family outside the job.
For instance, I had Black coworkers who loved to talk about "keeping it real" and being outspoken. They also loved talk about "those White people" being this, that or the other. But, as soon as their Black manager and close coworker got into trouble, they all pretended not to have seen or heard anything that supported her statements. They were all show and no blow. She was left to fend for herself by the so-call "real" ones. Some of these same folks ended up making false claims against her at the prompting of their White director and other higher-ups at the company.
I've seen how lunch buddies and after work hang out buddies can suddenly be swamped with meetings and conflicting appointments, as soon as they realized that another Black coworker was dealing with race-based issues. Their only concern was putting as much distance as possible between themselves and the target of the attacks. They too knew nothing about anything--even when they were witnesses. They too began to whisper about confidential information they were told about by the victim of abuse.
I had a Black manager, who collected afrocentric plates, pictures, books, etc. (and displayed them all over her office), who would dime a Black suborindate out in a heartbeat. To ease her conscience, she would feed the Black worker bits and pieces of information, but would go right back to working in the company's interest of getting rid of the offending employee. Specifically, she would encourage the victim to "find another job because it's just not worth it." I always wondered what reward she got for towing the company line.
My point is, you have to be very careful about revealing your innermost thoughts and details of your intentions, if you've become a target of any kind at work. Lots of people talk a good game, lots of people are fairweather friends, and lots of people have a secret agenda (getting in good with management, getting a bonus or financial reward, getting a promotion, etc.).
Don't talk about looking for a lawyer, obtaining a lawyer, filing a complaint (internally or externally) or providing any information, which would increase the likelihood of you becoming a bigger target at work.
I've watched Black coworkers, I've known for years, laugh about getting out-of-cycle pay increases and/or bonuses and saying they know they got it for their stance against a Black coworker. To see how they could take joy in falsely contributing to someone else's misery was one of the biggest shocks of my life. I knew people behaved that way, but I'd always hoped that no one in my inner circle could possible engage in such behavior AND enjoy it. But, you never really know a person. You can never bet your life that someone will be truthful or have your back.
Don't make judgements based on a person's color (e.g., a darker person would "get it" and could relate and could be trusted in a race-based crisis), speech/behavior (e.g., assuming you can or can't trust a Black coworker because you think they speak or act "White") or based on a person's level of afrocentricity (e.g., they wear an afro/braids/dreadlocs, have african artwork, calendars, etc. in their office, and/or frequently talk about issues of importance to African-Americans).
In the workplace, it's always smart to have a healthy dose of paranoia. Never forget it. Keep looking over your shoulder. Take it from a person who's had their office rummaged through by staff looking for evidence against a close friend and who's had a coworker brag about going through her supervisor's office at the end of each work day to collect evidence for the company. You never know what someone will do to get ahead.
Whenever possible, confide in friends and family outside the job.
posted by S. Mary Wills at 9:38 AM
3 Comments:
This is dead on and very true. The first time it happened to me- I was being ignored and alienated as a resource at a job I ended up leaving. The person behind it was my office mate, a black man--who I mistakenly thought I had affinity with, being a black woman in the "same struggle." I'd been in the company for several years, and was good at my job, knew the policies/procedures in and out-- and turns out he simply wanted "that place" and to make a name for himself. I had a particular job responsibility that no one else in my group had---he eventually became the resource for that also--while I continued to perform those responsibilities. It was quite an experience - one that taught me a valuable lesson about assumption, learning to keep my focus on my job, keep my professional distance, and leave my personal life at home.
This is so very true. Out of the two other Black women who worked at the job I just left, one barely spoke and the other had to be the bearer of bad news, from the moment I arrived.
She made sure I knew that I was expected to fail, and that my coworkers were just waiting for me to leave. Funny, she had found a way to still be there after seven years, although she told me it was the worst place to work and everyone was crazy. I watched out for her very carefully, since she seemed to know so much. Of course, she is still there.
I decided to leave (happily) after being told by my supervisor that I didn't seem to fit in. I am so happy that I have found your blog, it is absolutely essential reading!
I found out the hard way also. i am still there, but probably won't be by the end of the year. I really thought this person could be trusted. However, she could not. There was no reason to sell me out, so I didn't think she would. There was nothing in it for her. She didn't even like the boss. I just don't understand. lesson learned.
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