Request a Meeting...Before Someone Else Does!

If you’ve been having a problem dealing with a coworker and you are always going through some type of drama with this individual, you should speak to this person about the problem. Don’t just expect the problem to go away. Think about it…if left unchecked, why would the problem simply disappear?

Speak directly to the person about the issue. When speaking to the person, try to use language that won’t escalate the situation (e.g., I think you’re a racist), try not to come across as too finger-pointing by giving the person a little “face”/saving them some embarrassment at being called out (e.g., you probably don’t realize you do this, but when you are stressed out, you sometimes become very abrupt in your speech), don’t make threats (at least initially), and focus on a solution (e.g., I think we can really make this project a success, if we work on having better communication and being open to feedback.) Always try to communicate with the person and to come up with a solution on your own.

But, let me remind you of this…

As soon as you realize you are dealing with a problem employee of any kind (racist, elitist, sexist, won’t take responsibility for mistakes, etc.), you MUST begin documenting everything! You need to keep any emails, memos, copies of procedures and instructions, nasty or offensive or revealing voice mail messages, copies of timesheets, etc. which will support your perception that this individual is the person behaving unprofessionally, unethically, and, possibly, illegally. Don’t wait until the person has gone to a manager or HR to say that you are a problem, before you go back into your records looking for the proof you should have been collecting the entire time you were dealing with them.

I had a White coworker, who literally acted like she owned me. Yes, she seemed to think I was her very own slave. I was assigned to work with her NO MORE THAN 8 hours per week. She began emailing several times a day to ask what I was working on. This is despite the fact that she knew what I was working on because we’d discussed it at our regular Monday meeting (assignments for the week). Now, think about it…8 hours a week doesn’t even amount to 2 hours per day. Why was she harassing me about what I was working on, when I was barely allocated any hours for her project and had a miniscule role?

Anyway, I would not tell her what I was working on because she was not my supervisor. Therefore, my workday was none of her business. Instead, I would remind her of what pieces of HER PROJECT I would be tackling that day and for how long. I always let her know that once 8 hours were reached, I was unavailable to perform anymore work for her: (1) due to priority assignments on high-value projects, which she was aware of (including that I was required to be out of the office on a regular basis); (2) I was not authorized to continue working on her task beyond those 8 hours per week; and (3) It did not make sense for me to eat up my hours early in the project, when I was going to be needed for several months. The client had already made it clear that we might get a no-cost extension on completing the project, but ABSOLUTELY NO ADDITIONAL MONEY would be approved.

Despite this, I continued to be asked what I was doing (all of my project work), I was followed to copiers so this woman could look at what I was printing (in order to see what I was working on), she would walk back and forth past my office door and stare at me and my desk (trying to see what I was doing), and this woman kept going to my supervisor to say that I wasn’t working on her project—when I was—and that she never knew how to find me! Again, I kept reminding her of the support that I was authorized to provide her and I reminded her that she agreed she wouldn’t need me for more than 8 hours per week. I also reminded her that she was aware that I was working on 2 projects, which required me to be out of the office on a regular basis for face-to-face client meetings, attending research groups, traveling, etc.

Once I saw, early on, that I was being harassed about my time on her project, I began keeping a file containing hard copies of my electronic timesheets, which would show my daily hours worked in support of her task, I saved all of her harassing emails asking about my overall workload, I saved copies of every email containing updates that I would send to her, I saved every email informing her (in advance) of when I was working out of the office and attending client meetings, traveling for other projects, etc.

Still, we kept talking past each other. I was so busy that I just kept maintaining my documentation and doing my work. But, lo and behold, the witch had my supervisor call me into a meeting and I had to go to the videotape...I mean, to my documentation! I should have beaten her to the punch and requested a meeting myself to discuss the issues, the heightened scrutiny and observation I was being subjected to, and the negative environment she was creating on the project.

My suggestion is to request a meeting regarding a problem employee before someone else does! Here are my tips and thoughts on requesting a meeting:

(1) If someone is acting a fool and won’t stop, request a meeting and invite both of your supervisors to attend. Although you don’t want to give the impression that you can’t resolve your problems, you don’t want to work somewhere that gives you tension headaches on the way in to work and you don’t want to work with someone who causes you to walk half-way around the earth to avoid passing their desk. There comes a time when you may need someone to mediate. So, invite your supervisors to help work out the problem.

(2) If the problem continues and your supervisor is providing no help in neutralizing the situation or preventing it from escalating, contact Human Resources.

(3) REMEMBER: Before you take the step of contacting supervisors or Human Resources, you must demonstrate that you have tried to come up with solutions on your own. This is where copies of offensive or nasty email and voicemail messages, hard copy documentation, recordings, and a log of incidents can come in handy to support your position.

(4) If you are dealing with more than a personality conflict and you think there is racial discrimination, harassment and/or retaliation, remember that your employer may decide to take a position in support of the offending person and against you. As you work to resolve your issues at work, keep in mind that your supervisor/manager, director, and/or HR staff may want to position themselves as having a united front. This means ganging up on you. You should work at every opportunity to prevent this. One suggestion is to always meet with company staff separately, as much as possible. This includes:

· Human Resources staff
· Your supervisor/manager
· The department head/Vice President level
· Corporate executives
· The perpetrator (at least in the early stages of your problems at work, when you may want to resolve the issue(s) between the two of you--without Human Resources or other mediation)

You want to meet with these people separately to inhibit opportunities for them to coordinate lies against you while gathered together in a meeting, where one person can tell a lie about you and others can nod their heads in agreement. Divide and conquer. Meet with them separately--if you can--then compare the notes from the separate meetings to uncover lies, misrepresentations, and disingenuous reasons that are being used to justify what has been happening to you.

I was in a meeting attended by my former supervisor, new supervisor, and a Human Resources representative. They spent the entire meeting glancing at each other for approval, piggy-backing off of each other’s comments, embellishing each other’s spontaneous lies, and coordinating their continually varying reasons for how things were handled by the company and how things would work going forward.

That was a meeting that I could not avoid taking in a group setting because it was performance review related and the company was trying to cover its ass on previous attacks they had recently made against me. But, on the positive side, I was able to leave that meeting and compare what they said as a group to what they said prior to that. In many cases, things did not add up. I’m not talking about subtle changes in what was being said. There were entirely new rationales for the content of my review, new generalizations (made without providing any examples) about my so-called negative workplace personality and conduct, and surprise additional commentary that had never been shared with me during the review period, which violates their own policies and practices.

(5) REMEMBER: By requesting a meeting to clarify issues, you get all key players involved in your grievance on record with their position regarding the incident. There can’t be any claims of confusion on your part regarding verbal warnings, employment actions, etc.