Figure Out Who You Are and Stick With It!
“Figure out who you are and stick with it!” That’s what my good friend’s dad used to say. And, he was right. And, in no place is this opinion more appropriate than in the workplace because there are far too many folks on the job that seem to suffer from personality disorders. Nearly everyone in the workplace has at least a Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde disorder. But, others may have a dozen or more personalities, which manifest themselves throughout the day.
Unfortunately, with Black workers, the extra burden of showing assimilation often causes even more drama and prompts even more personalities to push to the forefront. While talking to White staff on our job, we may use our phone operator, professional voice in an attempt to “sound educated” or to “sound White.” Or, with some White staff, we try to present ourselves as the most educated person in the room because we feel the need to impress them and to make ourselves seem superior to other minority staff. Or, we act more ghetto or street, when dealing with younger White coworkers that we think are “cool” because they’ve made sure to tell us they like hip-hop music or something else about Black culture.
The list of the different personalities we show can go on and on. The entire thing is completely schizophrenic and gets back to the quote from my friend’s dad…FIGURE OUT WHO YOU ARE AND STICK WITH IT!
I once had a coworker, a manager, warn me that people might not take me seriously because I seemed too happy and content all the time. She told me that, on the advice of her father, she always wore a serious expression, didn’t laugh much, and made very few jokes at work. She thought it would make her more successful and advised me to mimic her behavior.
I had a coworker, who was chastised on a performance review for not being frenetic enough. He was actually told that he should rush around the office more, to show that he was working hard and was tackling his work in a serious manner. Now, he hadn’t missed deadlines, etc. But, his manager just wanted him to look like he was always involved in some sort of crisis. He was actually told, “All of us seem a lot busier than you do.” But, he had an equal workload. He was just better than they were at managing his time.
I had a coworker who was routinely told that she was aloof, simply because she didn’t chat with staff in the hallways. She was even given the example where she should have joined a conversation about a TV show that was taking place near her office. Well, she didn’t stop to join the conversation because she didn’t watch the show and had work to do. She was told that, despite that, she needed to make an effort to “chit-chat” more with staff. This was conveyed to her as a chronic flaw, not engaging in office gossip and non-work related conversations. There weren’t any criticisms of her work, just that she didn’t socialize enough.
Guess what? After being criticized and receiving recommendations, like the ones just mentioned, none of us did a damn thing to change our behavior. We were friends, not only because we had a lot in common, but because each of us were people that knew who we were and who liked who we were. I wasn’t going to stop being a happy person for a job. My coworker wasn’t going to run around the office, working up a sweat, for a job. And, my other coworker wasn’t going to ignore work, to have personal conversations with staff that she didn’t particularly care for—for a job!
People, especially managers, at work may attack you and criticize you for things that aren’t work-related. And, that is not their place. If you are old enough to be in the workplace, you are old enough to define, for yourself, who the hell you are. Defining who you are does not require committee input and should not be put up for a vote. For each of us, fundamental changes in who we are only take place—and only last—if we truly believe in the changes we are making. So, don’t drink the Kool-Aid! Figure out who you are and stick with it! If there are things you decide to change, let them be because you feel they will make you a better person, etc. and not because someone at work feels they can dictate your life to you.
Never forget this: Stupid is as stupid does! And, miserable is as miserable does. There are so many people in the workplace that have sold out who they are that they absolutely don’t want to see someone that is able to maintain the core of what makes them unique. By being yourself, and being successful, you become a person to be envied by all of the sell-outs and lowlifes you might work with.
Unfortunately, with Black workers, the extra burden of showing assimilation often causes even more drama and prompts even more personalities to push to the forefront. While talking to White staff on our job, we may use our phone operator, professional voice in an attempt to “sound educated” or to “sound White.” Or, with some White staff, we try to present ourselves as the most educated person in the room because we feel the need to impress them and to make ourselves seem superior to other minority staff. Or, we act more ghetto or street, when dealing with younger White coworkers that we think are “cool” because they’ve made sure to tell us they like hip-hop music or something else about Black culture.
The list of the different personalities we show can go on and on. The entire thing is completely schizophrenic and gets back to the quote from my friend’s dad…FIGURE OUT WHO YOU ARE AND STICK WITH IT!
I once had a coworker, a manager, warn me that people might not take me seriously because I seemed too happy and content all the time. She told me that, on the advice of her father, she always wore a serious expression, didn’t laugh much, and made very few jokes at work. She thought it would make her more successful and advised me to mimic her behavior.
I had a coworker, who was chastised on a performance review for not being frenetic enough. He was actually told that he should rush around the office more, to show that he was working hard and was tackling his work in a serious manner. Now, he hadn’t missed deadlines, etc. But, his manager just wanted him to look like he was always involved in some sort of crisis. He was actually told, “All of us seem a lot busier than you do.” But, he had an equal workload. He was just better than they were at managing his time.
I had a coworker who was routinely told that she was aloof, simply because she didn’t chat with staff in the hallways. She was even given the example where she should have joined a conversation about a TV show that was taking place near her office. Well, she didn’t stop to join the conversation because she didn’t watch the show and had work to do. She was told that, despite that, she needed to make an effort to “chit-chat” more with staff. This was conveyed to her as a chronic flaw, not engaging in office gossip and non-work related conversations. There weren’t any criticisms of her work, just that she didn’t socialize enough.
Guess what? After being criticized and receiving recommendations, like the ones just mentioned, none of us did a damn thing to change our behavior. We were friends, not only because we had a lot in common, but because each of us were people that knew who we were and who liked who we were. I wasn’t going to stop being a happy person for a job. My coworker wasn’t going to run around the office, working up a sweat, for a job. And, my other coworker wasn’t going to ignore work, to have personal conversations with staff that she didn’t particularly care for—for a job!
People, especially managers, at work may attack you and criticize you for things that aren’t work-related. And, that is not their place. If you are old enough to be in the workplace, you are old enough to define, for yourself, who the hell you are. Defining who you are does not require committee input and should not be put up for a vote. For each of us, fundamental changes in who we are only take place—and only last—if we truly believe in the changes we are making. So, don’t drink the Kool-Aid! Figure out who you are and stick with it! If there are things you decide to change, let them be because you feel they will make you a better person, etc. and not because someone at work feels they can dictate your life to you.
Never forget this: Stupid is as stupid does! And, miserable is as miserable does. There are so many people in the workplace that have sold out who they are that they absolutely don’t want to see someone that is able to maintain the core of what makes them unique. By being yourself, and being successful, you become a person to be envied by all of the sell-outs and lowlifes you might work with.
Labels: tips and strategies
posted by S. Mary Wills at 4:58 PM
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