BLACKS SHOULD AVOID: LAUGHING OFF INTENTIONALLY INSULTING "JOKES"

This is especially true, when it comes to “laughing off” insulting remarks that are being made to you and/or about you. My mother used to say, “One time may be a joke, but if they say it more than once, they mean it.”

I think we all know that some people like to take their actual negative feelings about others and pass them off as jokes. You know what I’m talking about. We’ve all known someone who will target a person with “jokes” about their manner of dress, intelligence level, upbringing, culture, etc. And, if you knew the person well enough, you probably knew that they meant everything that was being passed off as just part of a good laugh.

Some people feel better about themselves when they confront others with what they believe are that person’s flaws. Others are just downright mean and nasty and want to inflict emotional damage on others. Then, there are some who are just downright racist and enjoy taking cheap shots at the non-white staff working with them.

Regardless of the motive, if you’re on the receiving end of someone’s negative “jokes” about you, it’s your responsibility to set the record straight. But, the key is not to come across as being “sensitive” because you’ve complained about the content of the remark. The person who is making a negative joke about you is just going to say, “I was only having a little fun. I wasn’t serious.” And, depending on the perspectives of those around you, you can look like you have a problem being friendly with your colleagues.

Here’s what’s worked for me a few times:

If someone is making and is allowed to make insulting “jokes” about me and/or my race or culture, I’d come right back with an equally insulting, but true “joke” about them. I didn’t one up the person. I just kept the level of the “joke” just about even.

For instance, I’ve overheard a coworker bragging that she sometimes had other people write her papers, while she was in college. So, in an example like this, if that person would have “joked” that I didn’t attend a “real” university (because I went to a Black university), I could have remarked, “Maybe I didn’t go to a “real” university, but at least I didn’t pay other people to write my papers...Oh! I’m not suggesting you did that.”

That quick comeback can often put a stop to things. People will treat you the way you allow yourself to be treated. If there’s no payoff to making negative jokes to a person’s face, what’s the point in continuing the behavior?

But, if the behavior doesn’t stop, document all of the offensive comments being made and document how you believe the treatment is changing your work environment and making it difficult for you to perform your job. As, I’ve stated before, offensive comments aren’t necessarily illegal. It’s only illegal if the behavior creates a negative work environment for you or in some other way impedes you from doing your job. So, if the person is making mean-spirited or racially insensitive jokes about you and is doing this to people around your office, who in turn begin to make offensive and racially insensitive jokes about you all of the time, you want to document how this pattern began, what is being said, and how it is impacted your ability to do your job (a hostile work environment).

Under no circumstances should you sit there and laugh with those who are openly mocking you.