BLACKS SHOULD AVOID: ANNOUNCING THAT "SOMEONE WHITE LOVES ME"
I once posted remarks begging people to stop repeatedly telling their coworkers they are not 100% Black. For those who missed that post, I took issue with Blacks who felt compelled to dilute their bloodline, so as to appear more like Whites and, therefore, more acceptable to Whites. I think we’ve all worked with someone Black who repeatedly found opportunities to rightly or wrongly claim to be part Hispanic/Latino, White, Asian or Native American—usually without anyone even asking them their racial make-up.
Well, today’s issue is similar, except this time I’d like to get Blacks to shut up at work about dating or being married to someone who is not Black.
Yes, that can often be a problem. And, if you do this, don’t even try to run that game of pretending that someone brought up interracial dating and that’s the only reason you said something. From my experience, the people who are compelled to bring this up at work are the ones who find a way to intentionally steer a conversation in this direction, so they can make their grand announcement. Or, they will just introduce this topic out of the blue AND ALWAYS IN FRONT OF WHITE STAFF. Well, if making an announcement like this is the only way to show your White coworkers that you have something “in common” with them, you need to get out more and you need to get a life!
Here’s my thing. If you really loved or cared for your boyfriend or spouse, you’d mention the person by their damn name. You would make statements about that person’s character and what they mean to you. Race would be the last thing that would roll off your tongue because, if the relationship is real, race would be one of the last ways that you saw this person. Yes, the world may see them as another race, but you should see them as someone you love—first! But, that’s not how some of us get down.
I can’t stand when a Black person REPEATEDLY mentions that their spouse or boyfriend/girlfriend is Native American, and/or White and/or Hispanic/Latino and/or Asian.
It would be nice if they could make their dating/marriage announcement once and move the conversation on to other topics. But, no! It’s not that simple because these types of Black people will usually do anything to make sure that everyone knows they are loved and cared for by someone who IS NOT BLACK. Forget names. Some of us will just lead with, “You know, my boyfriend is White.” And, it’s always said like the relationship is a status symbol because it’s assumed that this relationship will make a Negro more acceptable to Whites. “Someone White loves me!”
Some of us will even combine statements that we are dating someone who isn’t Black with derogatory remarks about the Black race or culture! I had a coworker use this line once, after announcing a White boyfriend, “I don’t date Black guys because they’re too violent and most of them sell drugs and don’t like to work.” And, yes, the idiot said this in front of White staff. Talk about reinforcing stereotypes! But, I know why she said that. It’s the same reason that many other Blacks make similar comments at work. The point is to reinforce that a person is completely assimilated, is disloyal to other Blacks, and is a company man or woman! The unspoken statement is, “You can trust me. I don’t even date those people! I’m just like you! Please accept me! I’m begging you.”
I don’t automatically trust or like someone based on who they choose to screw. When we get down to brass tacks, that’s what this discussion is about. I like or dislike people based on character and actions. If you are shady, snooty, back stabbing or are in some other way repugnant, I don’t care what color you are—or what color your boyfriend/spouse is—I don’t have time for you! I do not respect anyone of any color that berates their own culture and race. No groups of people are all the same.
Just as with making repeated and unprovoked announcements that you are not “100% Black,” making repeated and unprovoked announcements that you are dating or are married to someone who isn’t Black is the hallmark of a very sick, insecure, shallow, and self-hating individual. And, it smacks of someone who is using their relationship to gain points and favor at work, rather than someone who is truly expressing their personal joy and happiness.
If you make these sorts of announcements, you need to look in the mirror and ask yourself these questions: WHAT IS MY POINT?!! WHY WON’T I LET MY ACTUAL WORK SPEAK FOR ME? WHY DO I KEEP MENTIONING HIS/HER RACE?
NOTE FROM BLOGGER: Yes, the rules of the post apply in reverse! I’m tired of meeting White women on the job who feel the need to announce to me that their boyfriend is Black. Who gives a f**k! I mean really. What am I supposed to ascertain about your character because you date a Black man? I have always wondered if White women who have said this to me have done so because they want to show me that we have something in common. “See, we both like Black men!” I just don’t know how to take it and it’s happened to me pretty frequently.
Once, when my car broke down, I was offered a ride to work by someone White, who lived near me. We weren’t super friendly, although we spoke when we saw each other. After not even 2 minutes in her car, she suddenly said, “You know, my boyfriend is Black. I only date Black guys because I think White guys are really corny. Black guys have this way about them…” Yada! Yada! Yada! I disliked her from that point on because the whole thing was completely offensive. The announcement implied that I would judge her favorably based on her dating preference, instead of based on who she is as a person. I tuned her out after that...couldn't tell you another word she said.
Well, today’s issue is similar, except this time I’d like to get Blacks to shut up at work about dating or being married to someone who is not Black.
Yes, that can often be a problem. And, if you do this, don’t even try to run that game of pretending that someone brought up interracial dating and that’s the only reason you said something. From my experience, the people who are compelled to bring this up at work are the ones who find a way to intentionally steer a conversation in this direction, so they can make their grand announcement. Or, they will just introduce this topic out of the blue AND ALWAYS IN FRONT OF WHITE STAFF. Well, if making an announcement like this is the only way to show your White coworkers that you have something “in common” with them, you need to get out more and you need to get a life!
Here’s my thing. If you really loved or cared for your boyfriend or spouse, you’d mention the person by their damn name. You would make statements about that person’s character and what they mean to you. Race would be the last thing that would roll off your tongue because, if the relationship is real, race would be one of the last ways that you saw this person. Yes, the world may see them as another race, but you should see them as someone you love—first! But, that’s not how some of us get down.
I can’t stand when a Black person REPEATEDLY mentions that their spouse or boyfriend/girlfriend is Native American, and/or White and/or Hispanic/Latino and/or Asian.
It would be nice if they could make their dating/marriage announcement once and move the conversation on to other topics. But, no! It’s not that simple because these types of Black people will usually do anything to make sure that everyone knows they are loved and cared for by someone who IS NOT BLACK. Forget names. Some of us will just lead with, “You know, my boyfriend is White.” And, it’s always said like the relationship is a status symbol because it’s assumed that this relationship will make a Negro more acceptable to Whites. “Someone White loves me!”
Some of us will even combine statements that we are dating someone who isn’t Black with derogatory remarks about the Black race or culture! I had a coworker use this line once, after announcing a White boyfriend, “I don’t date Black guys because they’re too violent and most of them sell drugs and don’t like to work.” And, yes, the idiot said this in front of White staff. Talk about reinforcing stereotypes! But, I know why she said that. It’s the same reason that many other Blacks make similar comments at work. The point is to reinforce that a person is completely assimilated, is disloyal to other Blacks, and is a company man or woman! The unspoken statement is, “You can trust me. I don’t even date those people! I’m just like you! Please accept me! I’m begging you.”
I don’t automatically trust or like someone based on who they choose to screw. When we get down to brass tacks, that’s what this discussion is about. I like or dislike people based on character and actions. If you are shady, snooty, back stabbing or are in some other way repugnant, I don’t care what color you are—or what color your boyfriend/spouse is—I don’t have time for you! I do not respect anyone of any color that berates their own culture and race. No groups of people are all the same.
Just as with making repeated and unprovoked announcements that you are not “100% Black,” making repeated and unprovoked announcements that you are dating or are married to someone who isn’t Black is the hallmark of a very sick, insecure, shallow, and self-hating individual. And, it smacks of someone who is using their relationship to gain points and favor at work, rather than someone who is truly expressing their personal joy and happiness.
If you make these sorts of announcements, you need to look in the mirror and ask yourself these questions: WHAT IS MY POINT?!! WHY WON’T I LET MY ACTUAL WORK SPEAK FOR ME? WHY DO I KEEP MENTIONING HIS/HER RACE?
NOTE FROM BLOGGER: Yes, the rules of the post apply in reverse! I’m tired of meeting White women on the job who feel the need to announce to me that their boyfriend is Black. Who gives a f**k! I mean really. What am I supposed to ascertain about your character because you date a Black man? I have always wondered if White women who have said this to me have done so because they want to show me that we have something in common. “See, we both like Black men!” I just don’t know how to take it and it’s happened to me pretty frequently.
Once, when my car broke down, I was offered a ride to work by someone White, who lived near me. We weren’t super friendly, although we spoke when we saw each other. After not even 2 minutes in her car, she suddenly said, “You know, my boyfriend is Black. I only date Black guys because I think White guys are really corny. Black guys have this way about them…” Yada! Yada! Yada! I disliked her from that point on because the whole thing was completely offensive. The announcement implied that I would judge her favorably based on her dating preference, instead of based on who she is as a person. I tuned her out after that...couldn't tell you another word she said.
posted by S. Mary Wills at 9:48 AM
3 Comments:
A black person might say something like this so that they don't get stereotyped like other black people. A white person might consider a black person who is dating or married to someone who is white to be more wordly or open-minded. Is it a bad thing to work an advantage to your advantage. If you have a degree from Harvard are you gonna keep tht quiet?
ummm anonymous
if dating a white person is the equivalent of a degree from Harvard, then whyd didn't Shar Jackson luck out when she had those two kids with Kevin Federline.
Stop the madness -- dating Neil Tyson or Nelson Mandela is like having a degree from Harvard
not dating any old white person.
I had a friend who said that she dated men of another race and it didn't matter what they looked like. She didn't care if they were ugly, etc. as long as they were not Black. She always talked about their race, when she mentioned them, so this post is right. All she said she cared about was having kids with light eyes and straight hair. When she had her first child, by a Puerto Rican guy, it looked like a regular Black person. The child was beautiful, but she had Black features, full lips, dark eyes, etc. Many of these people do talk about their partner being another race because they think they will score points and impress people. It has no place for discussion at work. It's the mark of a self-hating coon!
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