Labels and Stereotypes - Translated: You're "Unapproachable"
As promised, today’s workplace label and stereotype is…
You’re “Unapproachable”
A hardworking Black person that has gotten this label at work probably doesn’t tell White coworkers their personal business, doesn’t try to ingratiate themselves with White staff, is uninterested in the social/professional cliques and so-called power plays of White employees, doesn’t stand around the water cooler chatting up White staff, sits quietly as they wait for meetings to start (before participating), and is likely perceived to be totally unimpressed by White coworkers who take absolute pride in the status they believe they have on the job.
The reality is that we each go to work to perform a job function. No one is paid to socialize, although it is okay to foster friendly relationships at work. But, for some people—regardless of race—they are simply uninterested in opening up to everyone on the job. I’ve said it before in another post…
Don’t share too much of your personal business at work. Far too many White people simply want to get in Black folks’ business. They want to know if we are from the “ghetto,” if we were raised by a single parent, if we are married or intend to get married, etc. And, guess what? Some people are very private. This includes Blacks. Not everyone wants to share their life story or stand around socializing when they should be working.
Hardworking Black people who have gotten the “unapproachable” label at work are often simply people who open up to others as they grow to trust them. They are not antisocial. They are not rude. They’re often friendly on projects, but they discuss work and not much else. Therefore, people just can’t figure them out!
Unfortunately, certain people in our society are far too desirous of the return to the era of smiling Black faces (normally of servitude). But, mammy and sambo are gone—or, they should be. Not every Black person is interested in expressing a high quotient of assimilation by spending large chunks of their workday trying to prove to Whites that they are acceptable. And, those are the Black folks who will normally get this label.
As a result, you’ve got African Americans being told they are “aloof,” “distant,” and “unapproachable.” And, they’re stuck with it—until they sufficiently smile in the faces of White staff or kiss enough White behind at work to show that they are “likeable.”
Yes, only an inhumane level of butt kissing will make anyone White reevaluate whether or not a Black person is actually as standoffish as they perceive.
But, the most interesting thing about a Black person being told they are “unapproachable” is that we also get the 180 degree label of being “overly sociable.” You know, a White person’s way of telling someone they talk too much. There doesn’t seem to be much grey area for Blacks. We either don’t talk enough or we allegedly talk too much!
The next label we will look at is…You’re Too Literal!!
You’re “Unapproachable”
A hardworking Black person that has gotten this label at work probably doesn’t tell White coworkers their personal business, doesn’t try to ingratiate themselves with White staff, is uninterested in the social/professional cliques and so-called power plays of White employees, doesn’t stand around the water cooler chatting up White staff, sits quietly as they wait for meetings to start (before participating), and is likely perceived to be totally unimpressed by White coworkers who take absolute pride in the status they believe they have on the job.
The reality is that we each go to work to perform a job function. No one is paid to socialize, although it is okay to foster friendly relationships at work. But, for some people—regardless of race—they are simply uninterested in opening up to everyone on the job. I’ve said it before in another post…
Don’t share too much of your personal business at work. Far too many White people simply want to get in Black folks’ business. They want to know if we are from the “ghetto,” if we were raised by a single parent, if we are married or intend to get married, etc. And, guess what? Some people are very private. This includes Blacks. Not everyone wants to share their life story or stand around socializing when they should be working.
Hardworking Black people who have gotten the “unapproachable” label at work are often simply people who open up to others as they grow to trust them. They are not antisocial. They are not rude. They’re often friendly on projects, but they discuss work and not much else. Therefore, people just can’t figure them out!
Unfortunately, certain people in our society are far too desirous of the return to the era of smiling Black faces (normally of servitude). But, mammy and sambo are gone—or, they should be. Not every Black person is interested in expressing a high quotient of assimilation by spending large chunks of their workday trying to prove to Whites that they are acceptable. And, those are the Black folks who will normally get this label.
As a result, you’ve got African Americans being told they are “aloof,” “distant,” and “unapproachable.” And, they’re stuck with it—until they sufficiently smile in the faces of White staff or kiss enough White behind at work to show that they are “likeable.”
Yes, only an inhumane level of butt kissing will make anyone White reevaluate whether or not a Black person is actually as standoffish as they perceive.
But, the most interesting thing about a Black person being told they are “unapproachable” is that we also get the 180 degree label of being “overly sociable.” You know, a White person’s way of telling someone they talk too much. There doesn’t seem to be much grey area for Blacks. We either don’t talk enough or we allegedly talk too much!
The next label we will look at is…You’re Too Literal!!
posted by S. Mary Wills at 5:15 AM
1 Comments:
Finally, someone who can relate. For the past year and a half at work, my evaluation has stated, "staff find you unapproachable." I finally told my boss I think they are misusing the word. They take my candor and outspokenness and "perceive" that Im the mean black girl thats gonna rip them a new one if they approach me-their fear and insecurity labels me "unapproachable". I have never snapped at anyone or been rude when approached in the workplace. I stop what Im doing and address whatever issue they have. But because I dont look up with a great big koolaid grin on my face, its "perceived" that I dont want to be bothered - well partly true but while Im chitchatting about your personal business and my deadline rolls around - can I say well I didnt finish because I was talking to you. Somehow I dont think that would go over too well. Ive been told I dont smile enough. Tell me, what is there to smile about when I have a stack of work on my desk, Im a single parent of an 18 year old that has totally lost her mind, I have bills out the wazoo, I supervise a group of white women who are older than I am and are looking for every opportunity to put a noose around my neck. Forgive me if a smile just isnt forthcoming. I asked for some examples of my being unapproachable - one was I was asked where to find something. My response was try looking it up on the internet. It was interpreted as I dont want to be bothered and she left. She goes to the VP and says she finds me unapproachable. I sat down with her and she says well I wouldnt have come to you if I hadnt tried that already and I asked her did you say you tried that or did you walk away. I cant read your mind or know what youve tried unless you tell me. Had I known you tried the internet we could have come up with another option. So for you to assume I dont want to be bothered wasnt fair to me. All of them similar incidents where it was more miscommunication than my being unapproachable. I finally had to say, youre now inhibiting my professional growth with your insecurities and labeling me falsely. I cant understand why I have to change because of someone elses misperception. I have another review coming up, maybe I should say "I perceive you to be a discriminating racist." Because I perceive it, does it make it true.
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