Wednesday, August 16, 2006

I DARE YOU TO SAY "NO" TO A WHITE COWORKER!

I dare you to go to work and tell a White person an emphatic “no” to their next request. If you’re not adventurous enough to say “no,” just say, “Sorry, I can’t help you.” Watch their eyes glaze over and their jaw set. You might as well have smacked the White person in the face. See, I’ve been there and I’ve experienced this more than once. You tell a White person “no,” and it looks like you zapped the person with a stun gun. It’s really just ridiculous.

Whites can take “no” from another White person (even if they don’t like that response), but some Whites just get down right indignant when they get the same answer from a Black person.

So, go ahead. Tell a White coworker the word “no!”

Once you say “no,” notice how you are immediately on the receiving end of a look that screams, “Who the hell do you think you are? You can’t say no to me.” Yes, it’s almost like they think they own you. You are supposed to drop whatever you are doing because they have asked you to do something else. This perception, that you should drop everything, will even sometimes come from White people who are junior to you. So, what do you do?

When I have to tell a coworker “no” to a request, I always provided a reason why I’ve given that response. I’ll make suggestions, if I have ideas on who else might be able to assist them or I will tell them where they can go to get help.

But, here’s the thing. A White person will get mad at a Black person for denying a request, even if that White person has:

--made a last minute request because they failed to properly manage their work;
--made a last minute request because they chose to let an assignment sit on their desk until the last minute;
--made a last minute request because they preferred that someone else do the work, but when that person wasn’t able to do it, they decided to settle on another coworker;
--failed to properly manage the expectations of clients by intentionally promising work before it can realistically be done by anyone in the office (in an attempt to impress the client with a quick turnaround time);
--failed to properly manage the expectations of clients, by not explaining processes and timing/scheduling of work.
--Etc.

Yes, sometimes things happen and you have to impose upon a coworker. However, mismanagement of work, people, and projects often causes more problems than any spur of the moment issues.

Despite any reasons why someone’s request is imposing upon a Black person performing their duties, we are supposed to drop everything. Because, there is often an innate feeling that Black workers don’t have anything better to do. Everything we work on is assumed to be so marginal that it can be dropped at any given time. And, that’s why “no” doesn’t go over well when those two letters fall over the full lips of a brother or a sister on the job.

Regardless of why something can’t be done (even if it is known ahead of time that a task is nearly impossible to complete), a Black person is supposed to bend over backwards and try to make it work anyway. Why? Because we have been asked and because we are often perceived to be darn near owned by the company and its employees (of a certain race). Or, so some people think!

And, that’s the kicker. Because of “perceptions,” there is a palpable anger that develops when a White worker has been told “no” by a Black coworker. That anger often turns into a power struggle. To gain dominance, and out of anger, a White worker will often report a Black person to their supervisor and will now refer to the Black person as being:

--uncooperative
--not a team player
--unreasonable
--etc.

The power struggle is designed to make sure that Black person relearns who is in charge. It’s the ultimate double-standard. Black workers often don’t have the basic right to say “no” without it being construed as having to do with a so-called attitude, instead it of just being about business.

We are believed incapable of appreciating the “big picture,” company protocol, deadlines/prioritizing work, ethics requirements, and/or fiscal responsibility (e.g., not performing unnecessary or redundant work, etc.).

At far too many companies, many African Americans don’t believe they have a right to disagree and take a contrary position to a White person because they fear it will make them appear to be confrontational. Remember the series of posts on racist labels and stereotypes in the workplace? And, that means we fall right into the hands of those who wish to prevent us from excelling at work. We remain silent. We let people take advantage of us and our fears of labels and retaliation. And, we often cow-tow to the will of nearly every White person who engages us, regardless of whether or not they are in our chain-of-command, in our department, etc.

It’s the plantation, y’all. Except this time, they don’t have us working out in the sun. Those jobs are for the immigrants. Or, should I say illegal aliens. No, make that Mexicans.

9 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Mary u are not lying. White people don't like you tell them that you can't or won't do something for them. Everything has to be overexplained and overanalyzed. There's got to be a committee or a tribunal gathering to figure out what went wrong with the Black person's programming.

2:26 PM  
Blogger Unknown said...

OMG! You are telling the truth. I have the pleasure of telling white people "NO" almost once a day and the moment is priceless. I am the only black person in my office and the have no choice but to deal with it. I use to give long drawn-out reasons for the two letter knock out, but I figured what the hell for?

5:18 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Any black person that hasn't tried this should live a little. tshombe is right. "...the moment is priceless." We have some right to dictate what we can and can't do. Just like other people at work.

5:32 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Once you say “no,” notice how you are immediately on the receiving end of a look that screams, “Who the hell do you think you are? You can’t say no to me.” Yes, it’s almost like they think they own you.

And they wonder why blacks have disproportionately high rates of high blood pressure. lol!

3:34 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

But, sometimes I feel its not worth getting into it with the White people on my job. If it's not a big deal, I'll just try to juggle it because if I don't there's just too much drama behind it. You have to deal with someone grilling you or going to your boss, who is just gonna tell you to do it anyway.

5:44 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'll tell anybody no. I don't care what color you are. Look at me like I'm stupid or talk to me like you're crazy and watch what happens. You gets no love!

11:54 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I won a political race. I was the top votegetter. I beat every white person on the ticket, now I was hoping for a promotion at work and the white boss is telling me that I don't get along with co-workers. Why did 10,000 people like me enough to vote for me, yet 5 staff workers feel I dont' get along with them. I am the one who has worked my buns off while I watched these white workers play games on the computer and talk on personal calls about everyone under the sun. I remember asking a white co-worker if she could help me divide cases and she sucked her teeth, rolled her eyes and stomped out of my office and went back to surfing the internet for clothes. She does nothing all day and it is acceptable. She claims she needs training. These are Jealous people. Hateful and raised to believe it is their world. They are NOT team players. Personally, most whites are very lazy and that is why they hate people from other countries. They are afraid they will replace them. White people think they are still slave masters and so do their young white brats. It needs to stop.

9:14 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This is so one-sided! Here's the other side. Imagine you are white and work under a black person who is trying to make up for centuries of racism by bullying you and making your life impossible!

9:36 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This isn't your best post. Saying 'no' to a co-worker is bad no matter what color they are.

Trust me, your white co-workers get just as mad a Bettie Jean as they do at Shaniqua if they leave them hanging like that.

You mentioned that you are the only black woman at your job. If you pulled that crap on another black person, you would be in just as much trouble.

If you tried that at my job to another black woman, she would say "What the fu*k you tell me no for? We need to get this sh1t done!"

2:11 AM  

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